Thursday, January 23, 2014

Ex-Girfriends Club: The Best or Worst Idea I Have Ever Had

Happy Thursday Everyone!!

Today was Day 2 of Student Teaching.  We had a delay so it was really just another 4 hour day.  Tomorrow I will be there allllllll day!  I'm really liking it!  I still feel lost, but I am learning.  Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement!  It really meant/means a lot to me!

Okay, so I think this post pretty much defines the label of land o' rando.  Ahhh, to be in the brain of Erin.  It's a crowded place if you were wondering.

Well, here we go.  I think it's safe to say that we have all seen First Wives Club.  If you haven't, you need to run-don't walk-to your local Netflix (if you don't have it, go next door.  In my experience, if you bring a baked good, they'll let you watch for free.  That might be a college thing (and by baked good I mean a box of Entenmann's) so I'd knock first.  But worth a shot, right?  Anyway, I think we can all say that First Wives Club is the zenith of late 80s-early 90s leading lady material.  (With the exception of Meryl Streep.  Meryl legitimizes any film.  She's the female Morgan Freeman.  Come on, that man made the world care about the migration pattern of penguins.  He and Jennifer Aniston also added much needed intelligent credence to Bruce Almighty.  Side note--in my heaven, Morgan Freeman is also God.)  My brilliant plan is like 80% First Wives Club and 20% Ross Geller's Divorced Men's Club.  Yes, Chandler we'd let you play basketball here.  Could we BE more generous?   It's the Ex-Girlfriends' Club.

Ok before you scream this is a disaster of Britney Spears at the 2007 VMAs proportions hear me out. 


You, and all your exes exes meet up at a safe, neutral place. Probably a coffee house with a fire place and comfy oversized chairs.  Nowhere any of you went on a date with him. You would all sit around and chat, gossip, exchange war stories, nurse broken hearts and wounds of yesteryear together. And yes, you do have to invite the newest ex gf no matter how much she may or may not look like a muppet and no matter how fake her nails are.  Claws down ladies.  Welcome her into your coven.  Yes you can still think she's a downgrade.  We all know he'll never find anyone as awesome as you.  We agree you were the gem that will forever be missing in his crown.  Taylor Swift and Adele will come with beckoning soft open arm voices through the radio(does that make sense?) and freshly baked cookies and chocolate will come wafting through the room.  P.S. everyone has to eat the cookies and chocolate because we're not playing the she's hotter than me game here.  We're all equally hot.  Also when we're ready, Carrie Underwood and Beyonce will replace Tay Tay and Adele. When the time is right of course, when the time is right. 

Why is this a brilliant idea?  Well here's why. A) we know you all stalked each other. And isn't it time you put that Facebook and Instagram stalking findings to good use?  Yes ladies it is.  
B) You may have even scrolled through their likes and in between mocking her that her favorite book is Twilight, you maybe see that oh wow she likes Carrie underwood too. Maybe she's not an idiot stick figure with no soul after all? C) you probably have a lot in common.  D) You could share pearls of wisdom like these:



Now before you burn me at the stake and scream "how could I, the best thing that has ever happened to him, have anything in common with her" let me explain. The common factor in all of these relationships is him. You're all his type. You're probably all blonde, or brunette, or tall, or short. You're probably all into sports or you all like to read. Or you're all funny.  Notice I didn't say smart, we all know boys don't like smart girls.  At the very least, you all liked him!  Or maybe you are the exception to his rule.   God knows I've been the only normal boxcar in the crazy train of exes exes, but mostly you can find common ground.  Also, if you are the only normal boxcar in the crazy train, don't you wanna know about those looney tunes?  God knows I do!  People have types and at our age, they rarely stray. 

You also are all bonding over the one of two female friendship solidifies: heartbreak. The other female  friendship solidifier? Giving a stranger a tampon in the bathroom. We all have done this and been the recipient of this. We also all saw the Sex and the City episode where Carrie gives the maître d a tampon and they get a table. It's true!  You will be life long besties if you give a tampon to another woman.

You can all bond over this heartbreak, over this person who hurt you all. You can trade ideas and solutions about how to heal and move on. Also you can mock him endlessly (which, while it is technically mean, it is the pinnacle of healing)!!!  Who else in this world knows why he wears denim on denim, or why he thinks planning dates in military time is good idea, or why he insists on singing show tunes in the car?  These are all based on true events!  I think it would be a beautiful thing. Also you may make new friends and that's always a win!


Also, think of the revenge!  One angry ex scares the pants off any man. Think of what 3-5 of them will do!  Picture this: it's a Friday night you look super hot you post that you're going on a Girls Nite with your new bffs and you tag all 5 of these women. Exes mind will be blown! (Clearly he's still sitting at home on a Friday fretting over his pathetic life because he lost all of you) and BAM now you post pix where you all look hot to trot and he's like noooooo the worst has happened!  No William hung isn't doing a lullaby album, my exes have united to wreak havoc on my newsfeed!  This is genius ladies!  Ultimate revenge. Ultimate healing. 


So, this idea is just in the planning stages, like a beta-club right now, but I think it has potential.  


If you ever try this, let me know!  I'm still debating if I will try this.  If I do I'll share!



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