Friday, January 3, 2014

What Shoveling The Snow Is Not

Welcome to Snowstorm Hercules NJ!

I had another post, a more serious musing, scheduled for today but I will post that one later.  Try not to let the anticipation kill you.

Well, first some background info to help your schema's adapt and better comprehend the incoming information.  Deb usually shovels us out.  Mostly because she's quite the outdoors woman a speech therapist and is off for snow days.  Dylan has helped her in the past as has my dad, but Dylan was needed at work (some people need their alcohol okay people regardless of if we have a State of Emergency) and my dad had to go to work, too.  So I do the nice daughter thing and text Deb asking if she could wait til 10 to start shoveling.  (I'm not a morning person and texting is the only form of communication I partake in before I'm "officially awake")  She replied don't help me stay in and be warm.  Deb has a process and doesn't like us to mess up her work.  So I was a good little daughter and obliged.  Well, Hurricane Daddy came in bawking about me getting up to help my mother.  Did you ever notice that when parents want you to help someone they always make it your relative.  Like go help your father in the garage.  No parent would ever say go help my husband in the garage.  No because then they would feel obliged to help them.  Tricky little thing discourse is, isn't it?  I digress.  So I get up put on my winter clothes and then try to find a non baseball hat.  Found one, from an American Girl Match My Doll outfit I rocked in Intermediate School.  hashtag lookinghot!  And trudge out their.  I shoveled for about 45 minutes and then we were done.  (Yes we have a snow blower but it never seems to be working.  Also, no one listens to me when I say, 'let's just go buy a new one?')  So here is a collective of things I thought about/complained about/hated.

What I said or thought before and during/excuses as to why I shouldn't/don't want to be Snow Shoveling Erin:
  • I don't want to.
  • I don't own snow pants. (Also, this is not a gift opportunity.  It is my choice not to own them so I can avoid all snow removal related activities)
  • My jaw feels like it's tightening up
  • You do it
  • It's too cold
  • Can I pay my way out of this?
  • Dylan should have stayed home to help Deb.  He really doesn't pull his own weight here.
  • My back hurts from Pilates
  • This is a boy job.
  • My hat makes my hair look stupid.
  • I don't care if it's a good workout
  • In my wedding vows my husband will say, "I promise to love, honor, and shovel the snow out for you."  And mine will say, "I promise to love, honor, and have chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven when you come in from shoveling said snow."
  • Seriously, how much could that township fine be?  Can we just pay it?
  • Why did I ever think this was fun to play in?  It's freaking cold out here!
  • That's it!  I'm leaving!  I'm moving to San Diego.  It's warm, they have a beach, and if it ever does snow I'll be way ahead of the game.  
  • Deb is so young, she can totally do this herself.  She's a trailblazer both figuratively and literally.  
  • Is sleeping through this worth getting yelled at and Catholic Guilted?  *The answer is yes*
  • I'm going to figure out the engineering behind dog sled snow removal.  Get ready, Cody!
  • My eyes are frozen.  NO ONE BELIEVED ME!

What Shoveling Snow Is Not:

  • Winter Crossfit
  • An opportunity to defy and reestablish gender roles
  • An opportunity to show off how cute my hot pink Hunter boots are
  • An opportunity to dance on the ice (you will get yelled at for A) Dangerous activity B) That's not helping)
  • Fun.  It sucks.
  • A place to be without my sunglasses.
  • Ugh, I can't run into get my sunnies because I'll traipse mud and slush through the house thus getting yelled at even more.
  • A time for my iPod to play the songs I NEVER listen to!  My hands are frozen into my gloves and I can't change the song.  Side note, "tech gloves" never seem to work when you need them to.  I don't wanna jam to the Romeo & Juliet Overture.  
  • A place for a logical/meaningful/important/any at all conversation.  My ears are frozen I'm listening to some very loud classical music now and I can't do anything about it.  I'm gonna nod at you until you stop talking.  Also, if you could use hand gestures and pointing to clue me in over here, I would greatly appreciate it.  
  • A place for me to bang my shovel on the ground and say:

  • Oh, wow, really?  Yes I did shovel a lot I'm so proud of myself.  SAID NO ONE EVER.  This is not a place to see my accomplishments of snow removal.  I don't care if, "Look you shoveled all of this!"  I did not want to be here in the first place.
My feelings in video form:

So, now I'm all done.  It really wasn't that bad.  I'm off to enjoy some snow day appropriate activities like reading, eating, watching movies, marathoning Netflix, wear yoga pants, have a hot mess hair day.

Anyway,  I hope every stays safe and warm this snowy snowy snow day.  Don't shovel too much!  



Photo Sources: (Christmas Vacation) (Gandolf) (Chandler)

Video Sources:

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