Saturday, January 4, 2014

Serindipity of Mean

How YOU doin'?

Ok, this one is going to be a weird post.  Lotsa land o' rando stuff in here.

Have you ever experienced a mean person?  Of course you have!  Like I'm talking a really mean person?  Someone who has hurt you and knew what they were doing?  Like someone who hurt you on purpose?  They could have prevented it, but they knowingly chose not to?  THAT my friends is what today's post is about.

I try (operative word being try) to find the serindipity in most situations.  That little serindipitous silver lining of sorts, and I think I found it in meanness.  The hard part about serindipity is that we often don't find it until much time has lapsed.  Oh Joy, right?!  I've had mean people in my life and I've always cut them out of my life and learned that my life is so much better without them.  I've had friends that turned on me, boys that cheated on me, boys that told me I wasn't a priority to them, teachers who said I just didn't get it and refused to help me get it, and jeans that ripped in inconvenient places.  These are all intentional acts of meanness.  Especially the freaking jeans!  I counted on you to be with me forever!  You made my booty look so good, you fit me on skinny days and days when I ate too much candy.  You ripped at the most inconvenient place and then Express stopped making you and my heart was forever broken, shattered really, into a bajillion unsalvageable pieces.

The serindipity of meanness is that you are able to fixate on their meanness and find it's core.  You can then evaluate what about their actions or words--or lack there of--most hurt you and use it to your advantage!  You can use it to learn what never to do.  I know that I will be using this Meanness Learning Theory in my life to better myself.  And that's really all you can do.  You can't make people be unmean.  You can't erase what they said or did.  That's impossible.  However, every experience is an experience to learn.  And learn from them I shall.

Have you ever heard For Good from Wicked?  Well, below are some of my favorite lyrics from that song.

I think this statement is 100% true.  I know that I've learned most of the things, habits, traits (both good and bad) from what I have observed and experienced from relationships both good and bad.  I obviously believe in Serindipity and I think I'm the person I am now because of the things I have seen modeled.  I've heard that everyone is either a lesson or a blessin'.  Use the good and the bad.  Some of the best lessons I've learned have come from sucky people.  I dated someone for a while who just strung me along.  I didn't put a stop to it sooner because I was afraid and had him so high up on a pedestal that I thought this was perfectly acceptable behavior.  It wasn't and I learned that instead of stringing someone along, you should cut them loose.  (I also learned to never let myself be that girl ever again.  Only strong warrior Erins are allowed)  I took this lesson and executed it.  I went on a date with a guy and just wasn't feeling it.  I told him I didn't want to see him anymore.  Did it hurt?  Not really--that's how I knew it wasn't for me.  Was it awkward and did I feel bad?  Absolutely!   But guess what?  As someone who has been strung along for a while, I knew I did the right thing.  He liked me and I didn't like him.  I knew it was less painful to execute it this way rather than develop a faux-lationship that would end up hurting him in the long run.  

This quote I know is true!  Did you ever realize, months or even years later, that a certain person (either good or bad) was meant to help you become a better person?  I have.  One of my biggest life lessons (thus far...) was that I could survive a break up and move on and be even better than before!  I also learned, from horrible girls in my high school, that I could eat lunch alone and have everyone talk about you (trust me when you live in a town that is as small as mine this is catastrophic to an 18 year old) that you will survive and move on and become greater than they will ever be.  That sounds stuck up and snobby, but guess what?  I don't care.  I am successful and unapologetic for my success.  Everyone should be this way.  Not rude about it though, but unapologetic about their successes.  I learned what constitutes a good friendship:  honesty, laughter, randomness, TMI's, and being happy for one another.  

I think people come into your life and teach you lessons that you need to learn at the exact time in which you need to learn them.  I know that the lessons that I have learned will make me a better person.    Sometimes I actually hear myself say,  OOOO, Erin, someone did the exact thing you are about to do to you and you didn't like it.  This kind of self-correct is imperative to my development as a human.  Coincidentally, know that this is a two way street.  Know that your actions are a lesson to someone else.  Always be kind.  Above all things, think of how your action or your words will affect someone else.  I know I've hurt people and I regret doing that.  However, I also know that I have learned from it and will apply that serindipitous learning experience to my future.  

In life you get what you give and if you give off mean you will get mean.  Karma is funny like that.  As my good friends on The Big Bang Theory proclaim, "Karma is practically Newtonian--for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."  

xoxo and don't be mean!  And as Ellen always says:


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