Thursday, July 30, 2015

When You're Chased By A Honey Badger

Happy Thursday!

One more day 'til the freakin' weekend!

Does anyone have any fun plans today??  For me it's usually Thursday Girlsday with my gym girl squad, but tonight my godfather is coming for dinner so we're going to push it to Tuesday.

This past week, Zach and I spent some time planning my upcoming NOLA visit!  He sent me a spreadsheet complete with price ranges and websites for all of the places we're visiting.  My Type-A heart skipped multiple beats when I saw how pretty and organized it is!  Is there any question as to why we're friends??

So back to the title of today's post.

In my training for Disney's Wine and Dine Half Marathon, I've been running 5 days a week--4 days 5 mile short tempo runs and one long run.  This week starts 11 Mile Month aka 11 miles every Sunday Runday.

Usually, my runs are completely uneventful.  With the exception of seeing some gym friends on my run, it's usually quiet and calm--just the way I like my runs.

Until yesterday.

I was on the last mile of my run when out of nowhere a rabid honey badger a Chihuahua named Pinky comes out of thin air and starts nipping at my ankles!  I'm 5'8" and my eyes are usually focused on the sidewalk ahead of me (let's be honest--I'm looking for uneven concrete so I don't wipe out like I did last month lol  Whatever, I looked like a serious runner klutz right?)

As a runner I have a few fears--albeit it some are irrational fears--but nonetheless very real fears for me:

-Chased by a dog
-Chased by a murderer
-Broken ankle
-Someone hearing/seeing me jam out while running

I've quelled some of these fears by realizing that I could climb a tree (see what I mean about irrational?) or start screaming (much more realistic)

Well, all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see a honey colored creature start nipping at my ankles.  It's about 6:30 am and I don't want to start screaming and waking up the neighborhood so I start making this weird, Mrs. Doubtfire's boobs are on fire scream sound.  I start doing this weirdo shuffle thing to try and avoid death.


What is attacking me?

I have two thoughts:

Rabid Honey Badger

(If you're wondering, Wikipedia informed me that honey badgers are indigenous to Africa and Southeast Asia.  NOT NJ)

Rabid Giant Squirrel


In those 10 seconds I really thought


I'm going to die here.  A mile from my house, without make up, with a sweaty nest of hair, in mismatched clothes.  That is not how I want to go, people!  I want to be an adorable old lady with blue hair and pink lips a la the ladies in the VW commercial.  Those are my people.

About 10 seconds later, Pinky's (I know, the name couldn't have been something scarier like Dante or Damian…no no no…Pinky) owner decides to show up and call her killer 6 pound beast back to the threshold thus freeing me from my real-life nightmare.  Needless to say, I think I burned a few extra calories on that run.

Anyway, that is my eventful recount of my usually boring Tuesday morning run.

Has anyone else been savagely attacked by a wild beast miniature dog that celebrities usually keep in purses while running?

Happy Almost Friday!

I hear there's a wine tasting in my near future and a Phillies game, too :)



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