Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Mixed Signals

Happy Tuesday!

I'm currently wearing sweats and sitting inside because it's freezing (ok it's 77 degrees) and pouring rain!  NOT HAPPY!

It seems to be clearing up though, so I may go enjoy the albeit brief, sunshine.

So let me tell you what's been going on with life lately instead of cryptically posting things on this blogaroo about a mean boy.

So, if you're of age, pour yourself a glass of champs and cozy up.

About 5 months ago, a boy came out of the blue and we started dating and had a blast.  About a week in he told me that his ex was trying to get him back.  Being the confident girl I am I blew it off with a, "don't worry I don't scare easy" attitude and thought nothing of it.  Well, about a month later he broke up with me for her.  I liked him because we were complete opposites.  I'm super Type-A, over analytical, organized, and enjoy going out.  He is laid back, fly by the seat of your pants, and a homebody.  I liked him because he balanced me out.  He made me have a more Type-A- personality.  I did the usual blow off at common places where I saw him and went about my life like a champ.  Then, we started talking and flirting all the while he still had a girlfriend.  Not my best decision or judgement, but it was harmless.  Then, he left for the summer and I moved on.  Like I really moved on, I stopped checking his Facebook as any post-break up masochist does (come on, you've all done it :)) and I started to feel like my old self.  

Cut to life post-move, he haunts me.  We've all heard of relationship ghosts.  They leave only to return when you think you are over them and moving on.  Carrie Bradshaw says it best:

You do this every time! Every time! What? Do you have some sort of radar? Carrie might be happy - it's time to sweep in and shit all over it? -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City, American Girl in Paris Part I

Do boys, I'm not even going to dignify them as men because men, real men, don't pull this crap, really have some sort of radar?  I feel like as soon as I'm over this particular guy, he comes in and wrecks my progress.  

So I've been doing what any logical, intelligent, single woman in my Louboutins would do…I consult my iPod, Taylor Swift, and Pinterest to solve my life dilemmas.  

At Saturday's concert, Taylor told me (and 60k other people) that relationships should be simple--you can go or you can STAY.  I listened and was like, yes, Taylor gave me a definitive sign!  Thank you Tay Tay.  Then, the ghost came back yesterday.

Then, I consulted my iPod--Tay's Clean came on.  Great!  Tay sent me another sign!  Then, Tay sent me a mixed message--I Wish You Would came on.  Grrrrrrr.

When your iPod and Taylor are both indecisive, it's time to turn to Pinterest.  I logged in and this was the first pin I saw on my dashboard.

I really identified with it.  Sometimes I (like my homegirl Andi Dorfman) feel like if/when a relationship goes south, you have personally failed.  As a Type-A girl, I can't fail.  I don't do well with failure.  I never learned to accept failure well.  But maybe failed relationships aren't really failures.  Maybe, they are lessons that we are meant to help us eventually win.  

I know that I deserve better than the crumbs of attention that Ghost Boy doles out at his whim.  I need to expunge the ghost by telling him to go away.  I just can't.  It's weird and messy and complicated, but I can't.  

I'm going to try to let this go.  I'm going to try and not respond to his texts, wave like he's just an acquaintance when I see him, and realize that everything isn't meant for forever.  

I found solace in this quote because it tells us, that some people are just meant to come in for a brief moment to teach you a lesson--something tangible for you to take with you on this fun little journey through life.  

Sorry for the downer post, but I wanted to be open with you all about what's been going on.  

Have you ever experienced a ghost like me?  How did you get rid of the ghost?

Love love love,


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