Sunday, November 17, 2013

Why Grad School Is The Worst Boyfriend Ever

So grad school is...kicking my butt.  I'm 100% over it.  I'm not having a good time and I feel like the life is being sucked out of me.  Not fun.  Not even a little.  Not even at all.  Here's a list of the ways that Grad School is the worst boyfriend ever.

-You will leave your boyfriend's house (aka grad school) in tears at least once a week.  Not just little glistening ones, but full on waterworks.
-Your boyfriend (grad school) is difficult.  He's not very nice and he doesn't care.
-Your boyfriend (grad school) wants all of your attention.  You can't hang out with anyone else because all of your time is consumed with making them happy.
-Everyday you question why you two are together.
-You can't break up with him (grad school) because your cd's are in his truck (jk I just heart Dane Cook)!  You can't break up with him because you want him and he will be so attractive on your resume.
-You now owe him money. You wonder how you bought the $125,000 con and now realize that you owe him your life)
-He (grad school) keeps promising that next week he will be better.  He just has a lot on his syllabus (plate) this week.
-It doesn't get better next just realize you have a whole different relationship (more school work) problem to face.
-No one is sympathetic to your situation because you chose this misery.
-Your friends, when grad School permits you to see them, are tired of hearing you complain about him.  -You are emotionally exhausted from staying up late with your grad School boyfriend and figuring out all of his problems.
-Grad School has made you ugly so that no one else wants to hang out with you.  You never knew that your eyes could have such big bags under them.  You never knew that you would have crazy stress induced acne again.
-You have nightmares about your boyfriend (grad school) all the time.  Seriously what happened to dreams about being a princess and eating all the candy you want and not gaining weight?  Where did those dreams go?
-You personally identify and dress like Carrie Bradshaw circa the depressing Mexican Best Friend Honeymoon in Sex and the City Movie.  Not exactly the kind of SJP fashion statement you were going for?  But your boyfriend (aka grad school) likes your new tired chic look.
-Your boyfriend (aka grad school) will constantly compare you to your other grad school friends...right. in. front. of. you.  You will be judged in front of your peers publicly.  You will then be expected to take it and use it to make yourself better.  You will feel bad about yourself and you will resent grad school because it is comparing you to your friends.  And you love your friends!!!
-Your self-esteem will be hit--HARD.  Your boyfriend (aka grad school) will destroy your self-esteem by giving you a B because your super awesome college self is just a drop in the pail in the grad school world.
-Your boyfriend will keep you up at night with worrying for COMPS, papers, work, projects, failing, passing, time...and the list goes on and on and on.
-You will become dependent on things like chocolate to get you through the day.
-Your boyfriend (aka grad school) makes you understand what Beyonce's delicious break up lyrics really mean.  You personally identify with Irreplaceable now more than ever.
-You wonder when you will feel like you are doing something right again.
-You and your boyfriend (aka grad school) don't have fun anymore...ever.
-You wish you weren't attracted to the pretty glow that is Grad School's attractive face.
-When your not with your boyfriend (aka grad school) you feel guilty and begin doing grad work.

The BONUS!  You become so close with your fellow bad relationship friends (aka grad school friends) that you bond over the most inane things.  I.E. You all now easily identifiable with your identical Zombie stares and are collectively rocking tired chic!  High fives for yoga pants and messy buns!

All in all you realize that Grad School is something you love and want but you just weren't prepared for how all encompassing and life draining this would be.  You are now a Dementor of fun and everyone knows to steer clear of you.


Dementor of Fun, Erin

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