Saturday, May 10, 2014

I'm Scared of The Dark

Happy Saturday!

I've been MIA for very good reasons (finals/TWS/interviews/demo lessons) but now I'm back!  (from outer space, I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face...sorry when the opportunity presents itself to quote Gloria Gaynor, you gotta take it!)

Today I will tell you all about one of the scariest nights of my whole entire 23 years of life.  If after this post you deem my life totally bland if this is truly one of the scariest night of your life, so be it.  You should know I have 2 great life fears:  cats and the dark.  Terrified of both.  No reason as to why, I just am terrified.

So my parents went to Virginia to pick up Dylan (because I loathe long car rides I selflessly volunteered to stay home and dogsit Cody) on Thursday night.  I had a demo lesson that day anyway (I'll recap them later) and so I stayed home alone.

Most 23 year old's reaction to their parents leaving them alone for 24 hours:


This is Erin's reaction to being left home alone at 23:

singing into the camera (or iPhone)

Yup, fam's gone aka time to start my concert!

Well, not yet...because when I walk in I see that the microwave and oven clock's are both off.  My immediate thought:


A MURDERER IS IN MY HOUSE!  Come on this has slasher movie written all over it!

Then, logic and reality hit me and I think, well, maybe it's not a murderer.  Maybe we had a small power outage?  Yeah, that's what happened.  

Just incase, I decide I need to get something to protect myself incase a murderer does decide to break in and kill me.  I think back to the 2 years I lived on the outskirts of Trenton and grabbed a knife to stash on my bed stand.  (Trenton is one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S. people) Oh, yes, go ahead judge, but you do it, too!  It's totally normal...?...right?


So, armed and fabulous, trying to erase murderers from my mind I curl up in my ugly jammies, ate some left over take out, and cleared the DVR of all the old Real Housewives of OC.  You know the good stuff my parents detest and therefore I have to watch when no one is home.  

In my dreams this is what I look like this watching TV alone

In reality it's much more like this:


So what does my over active brain do next?  Think about murderers, Law & Order SVU, Criminal Minds, you know...the usual fun things!  After thinking that I might die, I just watched an episode of Eric & Jessie and finally decided death was not imminent.  So I sent my little self to bed and guess what?  I'm just brushing my teeth and then TSZKTSZK the lights go out!  Well, it's 11:30 and the club is jumping jumping and I was like Oh NO!  

Standing in front of the mirror, in the dark, with the just the deafening sound of the electric toothbrush scaring me almost to death I think yup, this is how I'm going to die.  People will probably think that I lost an epic Bloody Mary stand off.  


Through my fear stricken fog, I wade my way to my phone (and knife) so I can have some sort of light.  My phone is almost out of battery but I call my Deb all scared.  She tells me to calm down (too late for that nonsense) and said my dad will call PSE&G.  She tells me where the lantern is so I won't be all alone in the dark.  So off I go to get the lantern and decide my best bet (in case it is a murderer) start walking with the knife ahead of me like a bayonet.  Straight up Revolutionary War soldier status!  I'm thinking, OHMYGOD!  THE MURDERER BROKE IN, CHANGED THE CLOCKS DANE COOK B&E STYLE AND NOW HE'S CUT THE ELECTRICITY AND I'M GOING TO DIE.  

PSE&G says the lights will be back on by 7 am.  That is 7.5 hours too far away!  So I'm sitting here talking to Deb, telling her how I'm sure I'm a goner.  Cody, the ferocious beast who barks viciously at blowing leaves, is petrified and hiding under me!  ME?!  Great, now I have to defend the warrior who is supposed to be the saver!  He's going to be no help if there really is a murderer in here.  Also, Deb's constant "calming words" of you're going to be fine, you're not going to be murdered, Erin just go to bed--it's the same as being asleep.  (FYI No It Is Most Certainly Not)

My reaction?

Yeah Deb because a kitty is the exact same thing as a panther!  And a goldfish is the same as a shark.  The difference lies in the physics of it all.  If I'm sleeping and there is electricity, I can open my eyes and see the light.  If I'm sleeping and I open my eyes and there is NO electricity, I can open my eyes and see terror and ghosts and murderers and really absolutely nothing because it's pitch black!!  How is that the same?  Answer:  IT'S VURRRRY VURRRRY DIFFERENT!  As different as Grace Kelly and Kim Kardashian.  Yes their last names both start with K's but that's where the similarities end, y'all!

The lights zzzz back on after 15 long minutes.  15 minutes too long!  It was terrifying.  Imagine your worst fear coming to fruition when you are all alone.  SCARY!

Friday Dylan came home and life restored it's normal balance in the Kitley family home.  Inappropriate jokes, lotsa laughs, and gooberish pranks can resume.  

Life is good...with the lights on that is!

Do you have irrational fears of the dark?  Is it just me?  Are you supposed to grow out of this by the time you're 7?



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