Saturday, October 12, 2013

Subbing at my Middle School Alma Mater...Vindication From Dorkdom At LAST!!


Last week I got a call to sub.  Usually I am a strictly a K-5 sub.  Middle schoolers and high schoolers scare the begessus out of me.  The sub caller asked me to sub 6th grade...Deep breaths Erin, deep breaths.  I agreed to it, but I was nervous!  See in my head all middle schoolers are actually 7 feet tall, furry, hairy, beasts!  False.  Middle schoolers are still babies.  They're so small and little.  I took one look at my homeroom and was like, phew, I can do this.  They're not so scary.  I think I was visualizing them as how I saw middle schoolers when I was 12.  You know, the tall, giant, ominous silhouettes of the "big 8th graders" holding bats ready to prey on the nubile, weak, sixth graders.  I remember fearing the 8th graders because they were taller than me (well the girls were, the boys were still teeny tiny), more mature than me, allowed to cross Rt. 130, had babysitting jobs, wore make up, had hair straighteners, and went to boy-girl parities!  All of these were enough to petrify a braces wearing, acne laden, glasses sporting, denim overall loving, 12 year old Erin.  After I taught English class (I was subbing for my old homeroom teacher...EEK I'm old!) I realized that there were a few great bonuses to subbing in your middle school.  There is solid vindication to coming back to work in your alma mater middle school when you are no longer less awkward.

1) I got to wear sleeveless!  See DMS had a strict dress code and you could not show your shoulders.

2) I got to wear a dress!  Being 5'8" and a size 0 in middle school meant that all of my skirts, dresses, shorts, were always too short to be school appropriate.  Your skirt had to be finger tip length.  Well, my arms were always too long to allow for that noise.  As my own form of 12-14 year old protest I wore jeans every day.  I really showed them! :)

3) I got to walk in the hall without a pass!

4) I can talk in the hall!

5) I can run in the hallway...if I am buzzing to a class, not just for funsies.  Okay, I did do a little run down the hall because it was fun and necessary and before now forbidden.

6) I can say, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you!" complete with glarey eyes.  Of course I didn't do this because I'm not a complete and utter douche.

7) I didn't have to change for gym!  Talk about awkward self-consciousness overload.

8) I didn't have to go to Algebra.  Letters and numbers in math?  Ain't nobody got time for that!

9) I can talk in the library!

10) Snacks cost like 80 cents!  This is a great deal!!

11) Water in the lunch room is $1!!  At college, it's clearly $2.29!

12) No longer facing the epic daily battle of Erin versus Locker 449.  My locker liked to embarrass me by not opening without me panicking and thinking I would committ the biggest life sin ever...being late for class.

13) No more fear of being late to class...because I stay in the same room!

14) I can text during my lunch and prep!  *Actually there was no texting in my middle school days*

15) I get to enter into the intriguing wooden door enclosed sanctum that is the teacher's lounge.

16) Never fearing I would miss my bus and be stranded at school.  *Side note* I was not allowed to cross the major highway that divided my development from my middle school and I feared that if I missed the bus I'd be stranded until my dad could come get me.  P.S. my dad worked overnight during that time and would have been able to pick me up, no problem.  I'm just crazy and was afraid I wouldn't get home.

17) I'm no longer self-conscious like I was then.

There were some cons though...

1) I didn't get to play Oregon Trail.  Mostly because I wasn't the computer teacher's sub, but also because the school no longer has computers bought in 1998.  Ahhh 1998, a simpler time, a time when computers were compatible with Oregon Trail.  

2) My homework no longer takes 10 minutes.

3) I felt old because some of my old ballet students were in 8th grade...

4) I no longer got to read who hearts who, or decode the initials of who and who were 4EVER.  This made my inner 7th grader's heart sad.

5) I realized it would be completely inappropriate to cover my face, neck, and other exposed skin with Bath & Body Works Art Stuff Body Glitter.  Not because it would clog my pores, smell like cheap raspberries, I'm 22, or that the glitter would literally catch every glimmer of incandescent light.  No.  Not for any of those reasons, but because it looks bad. It was a terrible look, but I rocked it for 3 years!

In summation, subbing at your old middle school is kind of like running into your old boyfriend when you look amazeballs!  It's like, Oh, yes, hi.  Oh yes I do not have acne, braces, glasses, an affinity for scrunchies or denim overalls, now.  Middle school wasn't so bad the second time around.  I wouldn't go back in time so I could relive my middle school awkwardness, but I wouldn't mind subbing there.

I hope everyone gets to return to their middle school to show the school that yes, behind every dorky, acne-having, glasses wearing, braces having, awkward girl there can be hope.  One day the braces will come off, the acne will clear up, the glasses will become contacts, and you will be less awkward.



Just in case you were wondering how dorky I looked as a middle schooler.
I'm the one in the top row, 3rd brownie from the left.

I'm the awkward girl who wore a white dress to a wedding.
All the way to the right. Sixth grade awkwardness in all it's
glory :)

My outfit for middle school subbing.  I wore tan flats with this.
Dress:  Gap
Shoes:  Loft
Bag:  Kate Spade
Bracelet:  Lilly Pulitzer

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