Monday, June 24, 2013

What To Do When He's Just Not That Into You

Okay, so I just finished watching He's Just Not That Into You...pretty much the worst movie ever.  Here's why:

1)  It promotes the notion that even if a guy ignores you, treats you like crap, and is all in all awful to you, if you hold on long enough, he will eventually be yours.  Do you know why he will eventually be yours?  No not because he was meant to be yours, no, all the girls that knew their worth (that he did NOT see) LEFT!!  They strapped on their Louboutins and sashayed away to bigger and better things.  TRUE STORY GIRL!  Remember, think F. Scott Fitzgerald

Remember this is not going to make you feel better right away...but it will.

2)  It promotes cheating on your wife.  GROSS

3)  Jennifer Aniston does NOT get enough screen time.

So this movie got me thinking what it is that I do to help me get over guys when my limp and lifeless iphone reminds me that he's just not that into me.  Feel free to borrow/copy/add any of your own perkerupperers to the list:

1)  WEAR HIGH HEELS JUST BECAUSE!  This is crucial because heels always make you feel more confident.  Even faked confidence makes you feel better.  I prefer Monsieur Louboutin's because each painful step forces me to remember, "Damn, I look good in my shoes!"

2)  GO OUT!  Do NOT sit down...EVER!  Call every friend you know and just go out.  I prefer dinner with a really good friend who will provide you with the perfect balance of cuddles, tough love, inspiration, and humor.  Life is better like this.  Even if you don't want to go out...GO OUT!

3)  MAKE A NEW PLAYLIST.  Every relationship needs a soundtrack.  These are a few of my favorites:

"Cups" Anna Kendrick from Pitch Perfect
"Brave" Sara Bareilles
"Defying Gravity" Kristen Chenowerth and Idina Menzel
"More to Me Than You" Jessica Andrews
"So Much Better" Laura Bell Bundy
"Catch My Breath" Kelly Clarkson
"Since You've Been Gone" Kelly Clarkson
"Girls" Beyonce
"22" T-Swift
"Somebody's Everything" Dolly Parton
"Best Days of Your Life" Kelly Pickler
"Thanks for the Memories" Fall Out Boy
"Country Girl (Shake It For Me)" Luke Bryan (song is awesome plus he is yummy!)

****Any and all country songs are usually my top pick*****

4) AVERSION THERAPY!  Have a best friend, co-worker, mother, sister, barista, or anyone you are wallowing to point out when you are being pathetic and whining.  This is crucial. Yes we all want people to be warm and cuddly like our fav snuggly jammies when we come to the realization that he's just not that into you, but what we need is someone to force you to look at all of your good qualities and reiterate that you can and will be just fine.  *I don't support saying mean things or slamming the guy because if he can't tell you to your face that he's just not that into you, then who he is is really self explanatory.  No need for anyone to waste any breath more breath on him.*

5)  GET A HOT REVENGE DRESS!  Revenge dresses come in two colors:  black or red.  Even as a self professed pink phanatic I stray from my signature color (kudos to those of you who got and appreciated the reference) and go with BOTH!  Sometimes you need two nights to go out and look fabulous.

6)  This is the most important rule:  Never, Ever, Ever, feel bad about yourself. If he's just not that into you, well guess what?  Someone once was probably just not that into him, and once you were probably just not that into someone.  It's a vicious cycle my friends.  And it's better to be one frog closer to Prince Charming, right?

So, go ahead, put on your snuggly jammies, curl up with some chocolate cake (prefereably from Wegman's) and pop in Romy and Michele's High School Reunion and relax.  Yes, yes, all of this is easier said than done, but I promise (from a girl who has been there maaaaaaaaaannnnnnnyyyyy times) it will indeed get so much better!


No comments:

Post a Comment