Sunday, December 2, 2012

Why My LIfe May or May Not Be an ABCFamily Christmas Movie


     Well, the most wonderful time of the year has found us all again!  This means that once again ABC Family provides me with round the clock Christmas Joy in the form of ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas!  This is my favorite movie season of the year!  The merriment, joy, influx of baked goods, and surprisingly the parallels between Christmas movies and my real, actual, human life.  So here goes: the reasons as to why my life may actually be an ABC Family Christmas movie (p.s. I'm totally okay with this)!

     So yesterday my roommate and I were watching one of my favorite ABC Family 25 Days of Christmas movies, 12 Dates of Christmas.  *If you've never seen it I suggest you get yourself to Netflix ASAP.  But in summary, the movie takes place on Christmas Eve, with Amy Smart's character, Kate, still wallowing over her breakup with Jack.  She calls him at Christmas hoping that their interaction will remind him that they should be together forever, love, hearts, you may kiss the bride, etc.  Meanwhile, Kate's loathed step-mom sets her up on a date with her incredibly hot godson, Miles (aka Mark-Paul Gosslaar aka THE Zack Morris).  Kate doesn't take her blind date with Miles seriously at all and on her way to the date she stops at a department store to buy Jack an expensive sweater.  As she's leaving the store a saleslady sprays her with perfume.  The perfume causes her to go dizzy and she faints.  When she comes to she goes on her date.  She ends up being uuber rude to Miles and takes a call from Jack during the dinner.  She leaves the date to go meet up with Jack.  Well, turns out Jack's engaged.  Kate wallows and goes to bed only to wake up the next day, on the floor of the department store where she was sprayed, finding it to be again, December 24th. This pattern continues for 12 days straight.  Each day she finds out a little bit more about who she is and why she is in this place in her life.  At the end Christmas Magic takes over*  Anyway, as we were watching, I noticed some alarming parallels between this movie (and all holiday movies) and my life.  So join me:

  1. These movies have extensive mall scenes-  Being a proud Southern New Jerseyan, I spend a considerable amount of my time in malls.  Now I know why I avoid the "Spritzers" like the plague.  Gahhhh, what I would give for a Serendipity-esque meeting.  
  2. Optimistic blonde who believes that her ex will magically fall back in love with her and want her back-I consider myself an optimist.  I am blonde.  And I do, on occasion, wonder why I can't work it out with a certain ex.  I (as I'm sure you know) love Christmas and always share my feelings about this day with everyone I meet.  So I believe, in my delusional mind, that he will think Christmas and instantly think of me.  Probably Definitely not true.  Maybe it's just the romantic notion of it all.  But let's be honest, we all wonder.  Blondes are usually used in these movies to help convince the audience that they would believe their own self-indulgant fantasies about love, life, and what makes the world go 'round.  
  3. Finds Love on Christmas-This is always the dream.  Call it a delusional stereotypical whimsy, but every girl wants to believe in the Christmas movie plot lines of Serendipity, 12 Dates of Christmas, Just Friends, Rudolph, and heck Elf!  We all want that.  
  4. Way Too Matchy Matchy Costumey Clothes-Just see #1.  I love love love shopping and buying cute cute cute clothes.  Do I sometimes find myself dressed as a character in an ABC Family Christmas movie?  Yes.  Am I proud of this?  Actually yes!  I've heard it said that you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have.  So applying the commutative property, (see, I am good at math) dress like the life you want, and you will get it.  So I dress as optimistic blonde girls living in a Christmas World!  Whatever works right?
  5. Plethora of classic Christmas Jams remixed for the 21st century-We all enjoy the classics.  But when a spunky C list pop star redoes them with a kitschy little beat attached?  You can't beat that!  
  6. The lead always has a crazy focused life plan-Hello!  That's me.  23-masters, 26 start my doctorate at Penn.  Graduate when I'm 30 with my degree in Ed Administration.  Work as a teacher until I'm 35, then supervise for 5 years, then vp for 5 years, then principal for 5 years, then superintendent for 10, then work as a curriculum developer for NJ.  Then become Secretary of Education.  See the correlation? 
  7. Zack Morris or AC Slater is the guy she ends up with-As a proud child of the 90s I can honestly say that I heart Zack Morris and AC Slater in all their acid-washed jeans glory!
  8. Ability to relive days I think I can do better-Ok, while I don't have the actual ability to do this, I do replay my days and think about how I could improve upon them should I magically be granted the ability to relive them.  Some days I would totally do over if given the chance.
  9. Christmas lights are EVERYWHERE!-If I could, I would have Christmas lights everywhere.  In my house, outside, in stores, everywhere!  I just think they are sweet and romantic without being cheesy or cheap.  But not colored lights.  They look tacky.
So to wrap up, (Christmas pun intended and relished) I do love Christmas movies.  My life does mirror them to an uncomfortable parallel.  But I will relish in it...and now I will be more open to letting the crazy perfume spritzers splash me with whatever celebrity is making a fragrance fueled comeback.  But only if it means I can jet around town in an overly color-coordinated outfit, jamming to Christina Millian Christmas jams, while planning my crazy awesome overly driven life!



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