Saturday, December 29, 2012

My #1 Pet Peeve

What is my number 1 pet peeve?  Is it mandals?  Is it people who don't respect my personal space?  Is it men in pea coats?  No, no, no.  It's something way worse.  It is the question:  Are you seeing anyone?  We all get asked this question and unless it is immediately followed up with, my brother Channing Tatum is free, it should NEVER be asked. 

I'm not talking about guys you meet out at  a bar, club, or in life.  No please single cute guys keep asking.  I'm not talking about old friends you haven't seen in a while, no that is permissible because every one's just trying to catch up on your life.  I'm talking about fringe people in your life.  When fringe people ask, "are you single/seeing anyone?" It's just awkward and uncomfortable.

Why Erin do you hate this question?  Well, I'll tell you.  There is no appropriate way to answer this question.  As a perpetually single lady I have been asked this question multiple times and have NEVER been able to find an appropriate way to answer this question.  When asked this question, your answer basically falls into one of four categories:  Bitter, Man-hater, Desperate, Boring/Super Busy.  I am not any of these, yet I am forced to assimilate into one of these categories.  Why?  Because these are the only answers appropriate for a question of this caliber.  The other response is rude.  This is not appropriate though and I don't suggest/encourage it.  Rudeness answering rudeness does not solve anything.  While it may be entertaining and make you feel better, you just look rude and/or bitter.  No one wants that.  Rude isn't chic.  

Bitter-"No, I went through a really rough break up and I'm just trying to lay low right now."
"I got really hurt by my ex and I'm not ready for a new boyfriend,"-DON'T EVER SAY THIS!  NEVER!!  IF YOU SAY THIS PEOPLE WILL LITERALLY RUN AWAY FROM YOU.  YOU'LL GET AN OPEN MOUTH HEAD NOD AND A TURN ON THEIR HEEL GOODBYE.  No one wants this...

Man-hater-"I don't need a man"-true, but don't ever verbalize this or you will die alone.  Also, this is one likes a rude girl (well some guys do but we don't want them ladies)  Remember what we learned in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, "Be the neck and turn the head,"  Pretend like you need them.  Personally, I think it's best to be wanted not needed because it isn't a duty it's a privilege.  
"There are no good men in the world"-While most women would agree, you can't verbalize this!!  While I agree that if men wanted us to believe they were awesome they should send better representatives to planet Earth, we can't say this.  Why?  Because as women we must fulfil our womanly duty and believe in the naiveté that when the stars align, when God sees fit, when it's your time, (insert whatever cliche your mom/aunt/friend/sister/cousin/gramma told you in regards to men) Prince Charming will come along.  We have to believe the fairy tale because let's be honest, sometimes always its rough out there.  I wholeheartedly agree, but you gotta keep the faith and keep calm and carry on.  Not all men suck.  Some do, yes, that IS true.  But some are fabulous.  Think like Dori and just keep swimming.  

Desperate-"Yes I am single. *insert sigh/look at your food/puppy eye the questioner* Do you have a great guy to set me up with?"  OMG never ask...seriously...
"I've just been hurt so many times/I've given up/I don't know where to find guys *says weeping girl*" Ok, instead of getting the blind date like you might be angling for you will get a referral to a mental health professional.  We've all been hurt.  But we're women, channel your inner country song and just smile and look good.  No one wants to hear about your break-up/emotional pain/scars.  Unless it's your bestie/mom/mental health professional NO ONE CARES!  How do I know that?  Because I have paraded my breakup battle wounds around and believe you me, after so many glazed over eyes and poor you sympathetic faces you realize, hey everyone has problems, mine are mini problems.  Don't do's not cute.  It looks just that...desperate.

Boring/Super Busy-"I have so many things going on right now, I couldn't even dream juggling a boyfriend now,"  ok, seriously?  We're all busy.  If the right guy came along, you'd find time.  
"I'm just super busy with school, I'm working two jobs, and I really like hanging out with my friends, and being a homebody"-this is a direct quote from yours truly.  Ummmm, yes while all of this is true, I would/could easily fit a boyfriend into my busy lifestyle.  And I have!  With luck and success.  This luck and success was fleeting but yes I made it work.  

The final reason why I don't like this question is that it is a conversation ender.  I'm a HUGE fan of talking (if reading this blog it isn't obvious to you, you probably don't want to appear on any game shows because you won't win) because I'm a social girl!  I like people, I like learning about people, and I do not like conversation enders.  After I rattle off one of these aforementioned answers to the question that should not be named, the questioner just stares at you.  Why?  BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING TO SAY!!  Sometimes these questioners say, "Well, don't worry you'll find someone," or my favorite "It's okay,"  Uhhhhh, I know it's okay!  It's freakin' awesome!  I have a great time with my life.  I love my life!  It's just this question that peeves me because I don't want to be bitter, desperate, boring/super busy/man-hater.  But when asked this question I have nothing to offer up.  It's also hard to answer this question and not sound rude!!  I'm not rude and I don't like being rude but when asked this question I immediately go on the defensive and feel the need to defend my singleness.  What would you like me to do?  Just go to the boyfriend farm and pick a ripe one?  If that farm existed, TRUST me, I'd be there.  But, quality over quantity ladies.  We're all just waiting for Prince Charming.

So, please, in conclusion, do not ask this question.  If you are the recipient of this question and come up with a great/non-rude/make yourself look awesome but not braggy   response,  please let me know because I have no clue how to do this!



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