Thursday, December 20, 2012

How To Be The Bad Guy

Okay, this is a sad/awkward/personal post.  This is about boys who are just really nice guys.  They are the guys that would treat you like a princess.  You know the guy that would do anything to make you happy.  Literally he would drop anything just to see you smile.  However, this lady doesn't like to be treated like a princess.  It's just too much!  We've all seen the episode of Sex and the City where The Russian writes a song for Carrie, buys her the pink Oscar dress, and takes her out on a romantic night on the town.  The whole night is perfect, everything any girl would want.  Then Carrie faints.  She says, "It's just too much!  I'm an American!"  This captures my feelings to a T! 
I prefer to be treated like a lady.  What's the difference between a princess and a lady you ask?  About a million miles!!!!  A princess girl (PG) will write on her honey's Facebook wall at least once a day.  These posts usually fall into 2 categories:  Extreme Praise or Extreme Complaining.  An example of each?  Sure!  

Extreme Praise post:  "I love love love my (enter name here) because he painted my nails OPI's Privacy Please before he bought me new diamond earrings then surprised me with dinner at (enter name of an expensive chain restaurant)!  I love you baby so much!  Mwah!"  This is just a typical usual post for the princess girls.  

Extreme Complain post: "(enter name) I couldn't say good night to you last night because you didn't answer your phone!  Now I'm sad and mad at you because I had to go to bed without saying goodnight.  I love you!"  This is a passive aggressive post from PGs.  If you want a really good laugh just read the comment from her honey that usually looks like this "I'm sorry I was out but I texted you before saying I wouldn't be able to talk,"  poor guy.  GET OUT NOW!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

p.s.  These PG posts are probably written within 2 weeks of dating.  PGs say I Love You like it's their job...because it very well may be.

Ladies are women that don't need a man.  They want a man.  Their man doesn't define their lives he only enhances the level of awesome.  Ladies don't expect men to do anything for them.  Ladies go on dates without expected men to pay for them, but ladies allow men the privilege of paying for them.  Ladies also offer to go halvsies on dates because ladies have jobs and are not self-conscious about ordering "real-girl dinners".  Ladies act like ladies and do not post a lot on their honey's FB walls.  Ladies' posts fall into many categories (because a lady is not defined by such simple constraints as praise/complain)  These categories are (but not limited to) funny jokes that are not too personal, random  YouTube videos, quotes from movies/tv shows you have seen together, NO WHERE/WHEN/TIME/PLACE will a lady ever complain or air her grievances with the Facebook community.  Why don't ladies do this?  Well, because ladies know that if their man doesn't answer them there is probably a REAL reason.  Ladies also have full plates and don't have time to worry about where their honey is.  Ladies trust their men.  

Okay, so now that I have explained the difference (and you probably have categorized every girl you know into one of the two) I will now go back to the title of the post.  How to be the bad guy.  We've all been there, the guy we've been on a date or two with just isn't it.  He's probably too sweet, too put together, just too much!!  He's the guy that you'd be lucky to date, but there's just no spark.  

Sparks...ahhhh the worst line in any break up.  Literally I hate this word, but sometimes there is nothing else to describe that certain je ne sais quoi.  Sex and the City calls it the zsa zsa zsu.  Another one of my favorite bloggers, Shallon Lester, calls it The Icks.  The Icks means that the guy is probably attractive, sweet, nice, smart, great, but you just aren't attracted to him.  

Okay, why am I writing about this?  Because I have recently experienced this.  A few times actually.  I'm not the type of girl who always has a boyfriend...the opposite is true.  I'm usually the girl who is single because I am extremely picky.  (That's for a different blog post)  I really like being single and doing my own thing.  I need my space and with that being said I really don't like when guys crowd or suffocate me.  Some of my most successful and happiest relationships have been long distance ones.  LDRs work for me because I get my space, he gets his space, and when we see each other it becomes a treat not a chore. 

So, what to do when the nice guy starts talking to you and you realize there just isn't anything there.  Well, here's what I do...please tell me if you have a better plan because I would like LOVE to know.  Okay here goes:  

Put your big girl pants on and fess up-he deserves an honest answer.  I always say, "I did have fun tonight, but I'm really not looking for a relationship.  I don't want to lead you on.  I wish you nothing but the best and I hope that (enter career venture/class/hobby) goes well."  BE HONEST!  You would want/deserve that from someone and he does too. You need to respect him and his feelings.  

Accept that you are going to be the BAD GUY-You are the bad guy there is nothing you can do about it.  This is going to hurt him but you want to do it as gently as possible.  He's probably going to be sad or upset or hurt and you need to take the focus off you and just make it as quick and painless as possible.  I hate when people say it was amicable or no one's the bad guy, because let's be honest, someone wanted the other person more, somebody got hurt, and somebody IS the bad guy. You can be the nicest person in the world and be as caring as possible but if you dump someone, you hurt them, and that makes you feel/look like the bad guy.  Most times when you dump someone you are the bad guy and you have to accept this.  I try to point out all of the positives in the other person and I never say what they were lacking.  That's disrespectful and rude.  That is not "accepting being the bad guy" that's relishing in being the bad guy and that is wrong.  

How did I come up with this?  Well, my dears, it comes from being dumped...repeatedly.  I have been dumped with a variety of fun excuses.  Here are some of my favs:

"Your birthday and Christmas are really close together and that is expensive!"  Ahhh what  a gem!
"You're not the kinda girl anyone dates in college.  You're the kinda girl you marry."  This one is a sorta compliment and I do take it this way because it clearly says A) I'm not a slutty girl B) I'm marriage material lol
One person quoted the scene from He's Just Not That Into You...I didn't appreciate the irony because Jen Aniston is my girl and she's in that movie..

Most girls would be sad and upset about this (and believe you me, I was/am) but I brushed myself off and learned from these experiences.  I decided to dissect these words and compiled a list of things I wished they would have said.  I also mined these lines for things that I did like.  (i.e. the marriage material bit).  And what did I come up with... my bad guy line.  Obviously after you are the bad guy, you need to bow out gracefully.  DO NOT text/call/email/FB chat/comment/tweet/like/retweet/etc them. Let them move on with dignity.  Don't confuse people or lead them on.  

We can't help who we are attracted to.  We can't like someone we don't.  But we can follow the Golden Rule which is "Treat Others The Way You Want To Be Treated".  This is a motto that LADIES follow.  Princesses don't follow this motto.  PGs only care about themselves.  Ladies care about others' feelings before their own.  So remember be a lady not a PG and tell him early and as nicely as humanly possible.  You don't want to waste theirs or your time.  



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