In one week, 2 days, 21 hours I will be a college graduate!! This is a terrifying statement to make. I will be graduating with my bachelor's degree in History from The College of New Jersey!!
I'm excited to graduate but I don't think it has hit me yet. I preface this with, I don't mean to be a snob but, this isn't that exciting. I feel like my parents paid for me to go to school therefore I should graduate. Not graduating from college was never an option for Type-A me. Another reason I don't feel like this is a huge accomplishment is because 4.5 years ago I was wait listed at TCNJ. I was actually found out I was wait listed on my 18th birthday. So that felt AWESOME...obviously! (On the last possible day to be accepted I was ACCEPTED to my dream school!) So in those four excruciating months I did a lot of soul searching. I tried to talk my Type-A self into going to my second choice school (LaSalle), trying to repeat the mantra: Everything Happens For A Reason, Erin, Everything Happens For A Reason, Erin, this is just a Serindipity moment, and trying to not cry all day everyday. So in those four months I realized that if/when (try to be optimistic) I did get in I would appreciate the hell out of TCNJ. I would do well, I would get good grades, I would always pick to study over going out/having fun, and I would graduate! So that's what I did. I did it for myself and for all the students who didn't get to go to TCNJ.
Another reason that this graduation is not a really big deal is because I still have my 5th Year here. I'm graduating but not leaving until next May. I also get a whopping 5 day break until I have to come back for a 6 week research intensive class. Next May, I will be pumped up beyond belief to graduate!
I think my ambivalent feelings are normal...ish...maybe? Maybe it's just a side-effect of being Type-A, you're never happy until you're at your destination i.e. Queen of the World, Secretary of Education, or First Lady...whichever comes first.
xoxo,
Erin
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