Long time no see! But I'm BAAAAACK! I took a little break because life got crazy! I will recap later, but today I want to talk about LDFs or Long Distance Friendships. Everyone knows that Long Distance Relationships are difficult, but rarely do we talk about the difficulties of having a Long Distance Friendship. I've been very fortunate to have really amazing friendships; but, 4 of my extremely close friends live states away. Today we're going to chat about how to keep those friendships strong even when you are states away. It's my feeling that it's easier to maintain longterm LDFs, but mostly because my lasting LDFs have been longterm friendships at the time my friend moved away. Caitlyn and I had been friends since 5th grade and she moved away when we were 20. Amanda and I were friends since 3rd grade and we were 23 when she moved away for her boyfriend's job. Zach and I were high schoolers when we met and he moved away when he was 18 for college. Amy and I were 2 when we met and were 18 when she moved away for college.
Top Tips:
1.) Realize that your relationship is going to change.
I've been really lucky to have had a close group of friends that did everything together. There would be a rare occasion when we'd go to Target alone so I got quite the jolt when my friends moved away for various reasons. Realize that you're not going to be the Target Bestie. AND THAT IS OK! It would make me sad when my friends told me they were running to Target with someone else, but then I realized that I was actually sad for me but happy for them. They're in a new place and need a friend to help them live life. This doesn't discredit your friendship or devalue your friendship in the least.
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| Amy and I at prom (10 years ago) |
2.) Make time for each other.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but damn is it hard. Caitlyn and I have been friends since 5th grade and when she moved to UNC we actually got a lot closer. Ironically the distance strengthened our friendship. Whenever Cait is in NJ or PA we make sure that we see each other. We've met for 10 minutes in our cars just to chat and give each other hugs. Cait and I also watch Bachelor on FaceTime weekly. Are we perfect? No, there are times when we miss a Monday but we recap and reschedule. Our friendship is vital to us and we make sure that we put in actual face time even though we're hours apart.
3.) Keep traditions.
Amanda is another one of my besties who lives 3 hours away. Amanda and I met in third grade after begrudgingly accepting a parent orchestrated playdate between our brothers. Yup, we were the tag alongs. We instantly bonded because she had the Ricky Martin CD and the Barbie Shopping toys. To this day (almost 20 years later!) we chat daily. We're constantly texting each other, tagging each other on things on various social media outlets, and keeping traditions. Amanda and I are HUGE CHRISTMAS FREAKS! When we were younger, we used to go see Philly's Christmas decorations and then go grab dinner. We would eat cookies and drive around looking at lights while listening to Christmas music. GOOD TIMES! Now we still do that. I drive down to visit her at Christmas time and we go visit Christmas villages and shops near her. We still drive around and eat cookies while looking at lights. Amanda and I love sweets and new restaurants. Whenever we get together we try to show each other the newest and best dessert places or foodie spots. Amanda and I also love wine and we visit wineries when we're together. Shout out to Amanda for always greeting me at the door with a glass of wine! (Even if we meet up at 11 am. Mimosas are a real thing for a reason) These are our traditions and we like to keep them alive. We also watch DCC Making The Team and Real Housewives together and then chat about these women's lives like their our besties. We cozy up with glasses of wine, jammies (most often Christmas ones) and a sweet snack and text through everything. Amanda and I also love to work out and we're constantly sharing healthy recipes (Hello Fitnessista!) and workout tricks and tips. We also love a good sale and share the daily deals and steals.
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| Amanda, me, and our BFF Jessie James Decker in Miami (jk we ran into her in the Atlanta airport) |
4.) Little Things are the Big Things
Did you see a funny quote at Target? Did you see two besties eating face sized ice creams together? Tell your friend anytime that something reminds you of them. The little things like that really carry your friendship. One of my oldest friends, Amy, lives in New Mexico and we've been friends since age 2. She had cool Polly Pocket sneakers and I thought she was the most awesome person ever. So flash forward to age 20. Amy was in for winter break and we were supposed to go to a movie. A blizzard decided to come while we were at the theater (our parents told us not to go...but we were 20 and knew better) and it took us 20 minutes to clear the 6 inches of snow off my car. Then, it took us 90 minutes to drive 10 miles home from the theater. Anytime we see cars stuck in the snow, we send each other pictures and go...who would do that? Little tongue and cheek jokes carry your friendship.
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| Amanda and I visiting a local MD winery |
5.) VISIT!
You are not a tree, if you're not happy...MOVE! If you miss your friend, go see them. I'm lucky that, as a teacher, I have a more free summer schedule plus major holidays off during the year. Zach and I visit each other yearly. I visit NOLA every year and love that he loves his new home. He shares the culture and lifestyle of the south with me. He's the most amazing tour guide ever and takes me to see all of these cool new places. We go to places where the locals go and he makes our trips amazing. When he and Adam come up to NJ, I always bring them into the city to show them the best Philly has to offer. We share our cultures and lives through travel. I love going to visit my friends in their new lives. Plus, you can meet their new friends and rest assured that they are well taken care of and loved in their new life.
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| Adam, Zach, and I in Louis Armstrong Park, NOLA |
I hope you enjoyed this list and let me know if you have any other suggestions or ideas! LDFs are tough and they're hard to maintain. It would be easy to let them slip away, but with work and visits you can retain that bond that you had. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it stings that you can't just call your BFF to go to the movies/dinner/ice cream/movie, but it makes the time you spend together so much better. We have an unwritten rule that when we're together we don't look at our phones (unless we're taking a million pictures) and really just connect. Remember, friendships, like any relationships ebb and flow. Life isn't going to exactly as planned or smoothly and that's ok. I've gotten to visit really cool places and done some really cool stuff because my friends moved. I've gotten to see the Dean Dome where Michael Jordan got his start because Cait went to UNC. I've gotten to go to Miami and party in DC with Amanda because she followed her heart to Maryland. I've gotten to eat my face off in New Orleans (and visit some ghosts) because Zach moved to NOLA. I've gotten to watch some amazing chick flicks with Amy because she moved and told me about them. Hang in there!
xoxo,
E
